I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
