watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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