Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
