he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
