im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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