whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
