They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We are two peas in an std pod
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
