Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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