i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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