3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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