I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
50% drunk capacity currently
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
