Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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