Define "chronic" masturbator.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
