that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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