So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
