The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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