But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
