My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
