I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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