If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
