hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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