i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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