I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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