you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
