Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
