You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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