Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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