The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
