his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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