woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
