My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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