Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
