i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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