just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dignity is for republicans.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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