Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
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Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I forget how to act sober
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