The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
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Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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