the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
