I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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