This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
