Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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