I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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