what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
