I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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