brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
