I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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