Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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