you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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