...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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