U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
