I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
