alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
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Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
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The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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