She is in my trunk
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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