Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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