I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
