She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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