i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
