Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
