Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I touched a dick in church today
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