Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
there is puke in my bra ... again
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