I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
