When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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