i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
